


Relapse

by your_old_enemy



Series: Song - Inspired Short Stories [3]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mild Smut, NSFW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 16:31:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_old_enemy/pseuds/your_old_enemy
Summary: After going their separate ways, Stanley Uris still can't ever have enough of Michael Hanlon.





	Relapse

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tagged warnings before you continue! Also, this work contains some smut so please don't read if you're underage.
> 
> This was completed for @atypical-it-ships on Tumblr, since there aren't enough NSFW Stanlon fics out there.

Being the scrawny, Jewish kid in a group of misfits - of losers - wasn’t so bad, because they all had something that made them different from the rest of the riff-raff kids in school. What was difficult, was being the scrawny Jewish kid in the small town of Derry where most people were devout Christians. Things got even more difficult when he realised that the rumours about him being gay were true, and then life was pretty terrifying once he  started dating the homeschooled kid from the only black family in the whole of Derry. 

Stan Uris was a walking target, just like the rest of his friends but being with Mike Hanlon made him forget about all of that. He’d have slurs thrown at him from every direction at school while Mike wasn’t there to defend him, his parents tried to convince him he wasn’t gay to begin with and that even if he had to go through this ‘phase’, that he didn’t have to be experimenting with a black boy. Running errands for his mother, and walking through town he would always receive weird looks from grown adults and he’d hear the kinds of things they would say to their children as they walked by him. Hell, he took regular beatings just like Mike, Bill, Richie, Eddie and Ben, just for being gay. They all had their qualities that had Henry Bowers and his goons seeking them out for a good beating. The only time Stan ever felt safe was when The Losers Club were together at the quarry or hiding out on the Hanlon farm on the outskirts of town. Even then, there was always a hint of fear running through his body but he felt at peace when he was in the arms of the boy he loved.

Stan and Mike had the relationship that many people envied - they never fought, and they easily resolved their disagreements, that was until it was time to apply for college and the young men realised that they had different plans.

~~~~

_ The young lovers were in Mike’s bedroom in the large farmhouse he lived in with his parents and his grandparents. They were in the  _ _ middle of the floor _ _ , surrounded by books and brochures full of information on prospective colleges, and Stan couldn’t decide on the best few he wanted to apply for. He hadn’t decided what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew he wanted to get as far away from Derry as he could - he wanted to live somewhere where their love would  _ _ be acknowledged and accepted _ _ by the people around them and not just their handful of close friends. Stan didn’t want to be a freak and an outcast anymore. _

_ “What do you think, baby-love?” Stan asked, his voice muffled by the thick book covering his face. “I think we should just apply to them all, and whatever one we both get accepted into together, we’ll take it. Do you agree?” _ __  
  


_ “Uh-” _

_ “Or maybe we choose two each that we both like, and hope we both get into at least  _ _ one of them _ _.” Stan continued, not giving his boyfriend a chance to speak. “We can get so far away from this damn town. Are you excited?” _

_ “Stan..” Mike sighed, making Stan put down his book and look at him. “We need to talk about these college plans, Lamb. I…” _

_ “What is it?” Stan asked, a worried frown tugging at his eyebrows. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I know you’ve never been in a school, but college is a whole new experience for me, too.  _ _ It _ _ ’s all new and different.” _

_ “ _ _ It _ _ ’s not that,” Mike assured him with a shake of his head. “ _ _ It _ _ ’s… I… I can’t leave the farm, Stan.” _

_ Stan didn’t understand, and he looked at Mike for a moment in silence to see if he was being serious or if he was just messing with him. _

_ “You can leave, Mike. Are your family trying to keep you at home?” He asked. _

_ Mike shook his head in response to Stan’s question before answering.  _

_ “No, Lamb. It’s nothing like that, it’s just that.. Well, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave the farm and I don’t want to leave Derry. I grew up here and I want to stay here.” _

_ Stan couldn’t believe what Mike was saying to him right now. They’d had plans, promises, for years to leave Derry and start the rest of their lives together in the city far away from peoples bias’, and now here he was listening to Mike admit that he didn’t want to leave. _

_ “That’s it?” Stan asked in disbelief, his voice more than a whisper. “You’re not even going to talk it out or think it through, you’re just staying?” _

_ “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Stan. This isn’t just a last minute decision I’ve made.” _

_ “Well, you never mentioned a thing about it. Don’t you think you should have let me know before now you didn’t want to come to college with me?” _

_ “Yes,” Mike sighed. “I should have said something long before now, but also I could have made it much worse and waited until the last literal minute, after being accepted and completing all of our plans.” _

_ Stan knew Mike had a point. It was bad, and not at all what he’d been expecting but it also could have been much, much worse than it already was. _

_ “Will you think about it a little more?” He pleaded, looking down and picking up the brochure for Harvard. “At least send off a few applications, and see what your options could be, please? You can make your final decision in a few more months, but you should at least try. You might never forgive yourself otherwise.” _

_ Mike opened his mouth to protest, to tell Stan that he’d already decided but when he saw that hopeful look on his boyfriends face, he nodded. _

_ “I’ll apply to a couple, and see what my options are.” He promised. _

~~~~

Mike had already decided back then. He was staying on the farm with his family and one day he would take over and run it himself, with his own family. He did as promised, and he applied to three different colleges that Stan also applied to but he wasn’t nervous about acceptance or rejection letters because he knew either way there was no way he was going to college.

After a few months of waiting, pretending to be as nervous as Stan and the rest of The Losers, Mike’s three acceptance, full-scholarship letters arrived in the mail and he tossed them all in the trash but somehow Stan found out and he wasn’t happy.

“You promised to think about it!” Stan yelled, his face flushed red and the veins in his neck visible as he strained his voice. “Why did you even bother, huh? You wasted time applying just to keep me happy!”

_ “That’s what’s important, Stan!” Mike yelled back. “Keeping you happy has always been my only priority. You wanted me to apply, so I applied but that doesn’t mean I want to go.” _

_ A beat of silence passed between the two men before Stan spoke again. _

_ “Did you even think about it?” He asked. _

_ Looking down at his feet, Mike sighed and shook his head. “No..” _

_ “Then why did you-” _

_ “Would you stay?” Mike interrupted Stan, looking at him again. _

_ “What?” _

_ “If I asked you to stay.. Would you stay? Or at least think about it?” _

_ They both knew the answer to that, and Stan swallowed around the lump in his throat, not saying anything. _

_ “We don’t want the same things anymore, Stan.” Mike spoke, still keeping the length of the room between the two. “Maybe we used to, or at least we thought we did. This, though, is where I’m meant to be and I _ _ ’m never going to _ _ ask you to stay here and  _ _ be unhappy _ _.” _

_ “So, I guess that’s it then,” Stan whimpered, his voice trembling and cracking as he tried not to cry. “I didn’t think it would end this way.” _

_ Mike was the one who cried first. He stood there in the corner, a huge hunk of a man sobbing like a baby as his entire world crumbled around him. Stan crossed the room and pulled Mike down into his arms, holding him while they both cried and Mike clung to the back of Stan’s shirt. _

_ “We could try long distance,” Stan suggested. “But you know, _ _ eventually _ _ , we’ll end up right back here again but further down the line.” _

_ Mike nodded. He didn’t want this to end, to be away from Stan forever but he knew he needed to let him live his life the way he wanted to. _

~~~~

Stan had left with a tearful goodbye to all of his friends, and one last night in bed with Mike but he slipped out of bed unnoticed in the morning - he thought. Mike knew Stan was sneaking out, and he was awake but pretended to sleep so  that  he wouldn’t have to watch him leave.

All of the losers kept in touch via a group text that Eddie had set up the first day that one of them left Derry. They all wanted to talk every day so  that  they wouldn’t forget about each other, but any communication between Mike and Stan was kept to an awkward minimum. They would travel back to Derry when celebrating holidays and birthdays with their families, and they’d travel throughout the year to visit one another but Stan put off going back to Derry for as long as he could but his parents got sick of him skipping out on their family Hanukkah traditions and they talked him into coming home.

On his way into Derry in his beat up old car, that his good friend Patty called his ‘Sedanley’, Stan had one stop to make before going to his childhood home. The Hanlon Farm. He couldn’t have stopped himself even if he wanted to, because as soon as he saw the sign for Derry, it was like he was drawn right to Mike and he couldn’t force himself to keep on driving past. He took the turning on the right for the farm and drove up the winding road, leaving dust clouds in his wake.

Mike was outside tending to the pigs when he heard a car coming up the road. When he saw it at first, he didn’t recognize it, but then he saw the curly hair and crisp, clean shirt behind the steering wheel and he knew who it was. Wiping off his hands on the rag hanging from his pocket, Mike crossed the field to greet his visitor. As he approached the car, he could see Stan sitting inside talking to himself, arguing with himself, but the poor man looked like he needed help so Mike approached and knocked on the drivers window before Stan rolled it down and looked out up at him.

“Can I offer you a glass of fresh lemonade, sir?” Mike offered, a hint of teasing in his voice. “You’re gonna get cold just sittin’ out here in your car.”

“Thank you, lemonade would be great.” Stan replied, getting out of the car once Mike took a step away.

Out of his car, Stan followed Mike into the empty farmhouse. His grandparents had died and his parents moved out of town but still, Mike stayed. Inside the house looked just the same as Stan remembered it, with more of Mike’s personal touches throughout the house rather than it all being confined to his bedroom.

“Nothing changed much,” Stan commented, breaking the silence between them as they entered the kitchen.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Mike laughed, pouring lemonade into two glasses. He had a lemon tree out in the yard, and it was his favourite drink to make. So much sugar.

Stan sipped on his beverage once Mike handed it to him. The two of them stood there, drinking, in awkward silence.

“I didn’t think you’d ever be back in town.” Mike said, breaking that silence himself this time.

“I didn’t plan to, but my parents convinced me to be here for the holidays.”

“So, you’re leaving again after Hanukkah?” He asked.

“As soon as possible.”

Mike just nodded in response, his heart trying to climb up his throat to jump out onto the hardwood floor.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Stan spoke again, looking around the kitchen. “I… I couldn’t help it, I guess. So, if anyone asks, you never saw me.” 

“What’s one more secret between two old lovers, huh?” Mike asked  rhetorically  with a soft chuckle that hid under his breath. 

What could it hurt?

Stan wasn’t in love with Mike.

Stan wasn’t hung up on Mike.

Stan was just here wasting time before he had to face his parents and their interrogation. 

Without another word passing between the two, they were on each other. Their glasses of lemonade  were set down and the two of them  were pressed flush together with their lips moving together in a memorised dance that had been perfected years ago. It was like a drug, addictive to the two of them and neither of them wanted to stop, so they didn’t. Their hands roamed the familiar paths across each other’s bodies as Mike guided Stan backwards through the house to the foot of the staircase then he scooped Stan into his arms and carried him upstairs to his childhood bedroom, which also had changed little but Stan was too busy to notice as Mike laid him down on top of his bed, parting from the kiss, making Stan whine.

“Tell me to stop.” Mike whispered against Stan’s ear. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

“Don’t stop.” 

Mike’s lips were back on Stan, but this time kissing down the soft, tender skin of his neck while his fingers worked out the buttons of his shirt to expose more and more skin. Each button that came undone, allowed Mike to kiss lower down Stan’s chest and his stomach until he reached the waistline of his khakis. 

“Don’t stop.” Stan repeated when he sensed Mike was hesitating, ready to ask again.

Mike did as  Stan told him , and his fingers moved to Stan’s belt next and then undid his pants. the two of them were naked together on Mike’s bed, kissing again as their bodies moved together, cocks slicked with spit and rubbing together in the large palm of Mike’s hand. Both men were so worked up after being apart for so long, that it didn’t take too much effort for them both to reach their climax and cum all over one another with desperate cries of pleasure. Mike hadn’t thought very far ahead, and as he rolled off of Stan and laid beside him, he half expected Stan to curl up against his side and fall asleep with his head on his chest just like he used to, but not this time. This time, Stan got off of the bed and went to Mike’s bathroom with his clothes to clean up and returned a minute later dressed and put back together like nothing had even happened while Mike  sat on the edge of his bed with his boxers pulled back on over his hips.

“Stan-”

“Mike, don’t. This isn’t… I don’t have to have you, and I  don’t need to need you. Okay?” 

Mike swallowed hard, his eyes stinging with tears at Stan’s words.

“I was chasing a high, so please don’t think I’m coming back. This was just a…” He paused, looking for the right word to describe what they did.

“A relapse?” Mike offered, and Stan nodded.

“This was just a relapse.” Stan confirmed, and in just a few minutes  he was gone without a trace.

Stan had lied, though. He came back once more before he left, giving Mike a small Christmas present while he was there, and that wasn’t the last time Mike ever saw Stanley. Stan stopped by the farm every time he was in town for something, despite having said it was over because it was hard to stay ‘sober’ whenever he missed Mike. He would show up at Mike’s door every time he tried to quit and they referred to it as falling off of the wagon.

~~~~

The last time Stan turned up at Mike’s door, was the night after Stanley’s father’s funeral. Stan wasn’t drunk, but he was drunk on Mike and he needed to forget. Mike could never turn Stan away, when he was hurting. The two of them got their high together in the empty barn they’d used countless times as teenagers - Stan felt like he was floating when Mike  was buried deep inside him, reaching spots he forgot he even had, hitting them with every grind and snap of his hips that made Stan cry out to all of the gods that might be out there, because that’s what Mike did to him. Mike knew no sweeter taste than Stanley’s lips, or the slick that leaked from the tip of his cock while he was being stretched open on Mike’s long, thick and rough fingers and there was nothing more heavenly than pushing into Stan’s hole as it quivered and clenched around his cock.

That night, they cuddled afterwards. Mike held Stan as they laid on the plaid blanket spread over the straw in the barn, avoiding the wet spot right in the middle, and Stan cried. He cried over the choices he had made, the things he’d given up and he cried for losing his father, but in that moment he felt at home in Mike’s arms.

“I don’t want to leave,” Stan admitted, once he finished crying. 

“What?” Mike asked, shocked and convinced he had imagined what Stan just said.

“I don’t want to go back to LA, I want to stay here, with you.”

“Stan…” Mike’s stomach churned and his blood ran cold, making the tips of his fingers tingle and his hands shake. “There’s something you should know.. I would tell you before you left, but now-”

“What is it?” Stan asked, sounding much like he did the night Mike told him he didn’t want to go to college with him, and Mike felt like the biggest douche in the whole country.

“I met someone-”

“You… You what?” Stan asked with a nervous laugh.

“A girl.. I’m bi.. And she’s moving in.”

Stan felt his heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. He pushed away from Mike like he’d  been burned and he stood, pulling on his clothes as as he could - covering up the thin, white scars he’d been hiding for years but only Mike knew about.

“Stan, baby, stop. Please, let’s talk about this!” Mike begged.

“What is there to talk about?!” Stan sobbed, trying to get his shoes on. “You’ve got a girlfriend, a serious one and she’s coming to live here with you!”

“But I need to make sure-”

“Make sure I ’m not going to tell her?” Stan scoffed. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not telling anybody about any of this. I was never here, remember?” He spat the words at Mike, although it was himself he was angry with. 

Mike re-dressed himself and followed Stan, begging him not to go yet, to stay until morning so he could calm down and they could talk about all of this. He wanted to explain everything, but Stan moved too fast for him, jumped in his sedan and sped off without looking back.

Stan would never return to Mike, never relapse with his old lover, not his human one anyway. When he got home after driving all night, he would reunite with his old, cold, metal lover in the comfort of his bathtub. How romantic.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for making it to the end of my first Stanlon work, you're awesome!  
> Feel free to come find me on Tumblr @ your_old_enemy


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